If you’re interested in dating a recovering addict, take the time to put yourself in their shoes. But it’s important to educate yourself about the truth behind addiction and what it really means to be with a recovering addict. Although dating someone in recovery comes with its own set of challenges, there’s no reason that you can’t have a successful and beneficial relationship if you do things the right way. Sometimes when you’re both in AA, there can be judgments between if you’re doing the 12 steps correctly, if you’re lacking attendance meetings, etc. It can raise issues in the relationship if you take on your sobriety a little different than your partner.

When I first started dating him he was only three months sober. I though being brought up in an environment with addicts was too naive to realize that this was not Go enough time clean. Anyway now three years and many relapses into our relationship he told me he can’t date me for along time bc he needs to work on himself.

When two people swipe right on each other, they get a message on the screen that says “It’s a match! Often those in recovery have struggled most of their life with self-image and self-worth. Usually, they carry a deeply seated sense of shame in who they are and what they have done. By submitting this form you agree to terms of use and privacy policy of the website. Learn about detox, treatment, costs, or anything else. Do you have a crush on someone in your AA group and you’re thinking of asking this person out?

Things to Know About Dating Someone in Recovery

After all, dating in AA during early recovery is generally frowned upon, since tradition recommends spending the first year of sobriety focusing on one’s self. If you are dating a recovering alcoholic or someone else in recovery, remember you are just as involved in their sobriety as they are. If you love someone in recovery, you know all about emotional investment. Generally, this is semi-predetermined by past experiences. When dating a recovering alcoholic or someone in recovery, there’s a good chance their experiences opening up to others have not been the best, and in fact, often were traumatic. Most likely, they will have issues with trust in several ways.

Where and When Was Alcoholics Anonymous Founded?

At times you may have felt pressured in a date to fit in and adapt to what everyone else in the room is doing, even though you know it would compromise your recovery. Those very situations often lead to a continual cycle of guilt and shame that come with actively trying to be in recovery, but also wanting the chance to freely date. It is why finding a sober date can feel like an uphill battle of trying to explain why you exist and why you make the choices you do. This can often lead to defensive statements that can turn a regular date quite sour.

You will end up in a much healthier relationship if you grow first as a person through the 12 Steps of recovery. SilverSingles is a dating app that’s perfect for sober singles who are looking to make new friends, find support and maybe even fall in love again. The upside of dating in Normie is that you don’t have the same fear of relapse. If they are understanding of your situation and where you are in life, this new relationship could help provide you with an even better foundation for your recovery. The great thing about dating someone in the program is that you don’t have to worry that they won’t understand your life or where you currently are in your recovery. You know that you’ll be with someone who, if they haven’t had your exact experience, has had something similar in their life.

As opposed to learning to be self-sufficient, one partner may begin to become codependent on the other when dating in recovery. This unhealthy behavior often leads to the development of toxic relationships, and codependent behavior is extremely common among addicts. No one gets into a relationship expecting it to end, but relationships end. If it ever becomes too difficult or compromises your own health and well-being, you may have to leave. If the person relapses and is a danger to you, for example, a violent alcoholic, you may have to leave. If they need to focus more on their recovery and not have to juggle a relationship as well, you may have to end the relationship.

The 365 Rule of Dating and Recovery

Two addicts in a relationship can even visit meetings together. We publish material that is researched, cited, edited and reviewed by licensed medical professionals. The information we provide is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. It should not be used in place of the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare providers.

Recovery is not a valid excuse for not acting like a mature considerate partner in a relationship. If so, it’s okay to feel hesitant about committing at first. Addiction has many negative stereotypes that our culture pushes on us at every turn. He even married a fellow 12-step member during his first year in recovery, but the relationship did not work out.

Do not feel that because this person has this particular struggle you have to stay in the relationship. Some people may be more private about their addiction efforts at least at the beginning. Others may want you to be involved with the recovery process . Relationships are usually give-and-take situations, and this is especially true when dating a recovering addict. There may be certain things they may need from you, whether this is support or participation in their recovery.